How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Dignity is for republicans.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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