you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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