their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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