when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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