So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
