I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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