I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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