Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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