he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
