Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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