can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
