I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
