I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
