My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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