I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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