Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
