Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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