Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
