tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
