Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
