The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
