Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Every concussion has its silver lining
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Randomize
