I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I will be naked everywhere
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
