i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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