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Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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