I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i drank out of a bidet.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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