I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
