Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
