went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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