I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Come share oat with me in your robe
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
