you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
