it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
