Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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