Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
