2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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