You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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