i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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