he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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