It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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