Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
