..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
