his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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