A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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