I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
