Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
