Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
worst night to have a conscience
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
