we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
