you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
