Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
