you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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