you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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