I will die if light touches me.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
