I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
