he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
