I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
