Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
